inspired by Saint Genevieve of San Francisco...
Firstly, I would like to open with saying that though I have not been posting lately, it is not because of lack of creation or production. Inspiration, removal from living, etc. Rather I have been experiencing life quite intensely, and making reflections out of it via drawings, writings, and very recently paintings. I have not however, had the resources to share as usual thru internet/social media. But I do have such now, for awhile at least. The cost of living on the horizon...
Some years ago when I was in the earlier developing stages of my art, I would exhibit a painting here and there though I had no real intension or motivation behind doing so. There was a show in Oakland, CA at then Bootling Gallery, where artists were invited to submit a piece where as far as I knew, there was no concept behind the show other than to fill the entire space. Wall to ceiling. It was a free for all. So in response, I thought of how I could stand out from the crowd. I decided on painting a large portrait of Hitler wearing a bright pink button up shirt on a loud green background. Upon beginning the painting however, I would experience inner conflict. The subject though kitschy, heavy nonetheless. I was dating a girl at the time that inspired my male nature in the most uplifting primordial state. She had me smiling whether in her presence or outside of it. And so thru the process of painting, I became aware of the disharmony in how I was living and what I was expressing. So I abandoned Hitler and would create a Bukowski portrait inspired and encompassing his poem "The Laughing Heart", which described the awareness and the action of the situation of life at that moment. At some point I can remember the girl sharing it with a student of hers who loved the painting as well. This was too long ago to remember if this was coincidental or if I had shared with her that she had inspired the painting. Years later, I find little to no seperation in what I create and how I live. How I live, with awareness and intention, has become almost purely the material from which I reflect upon expressed in whatever medium makes sense. Painting, writing, photography and so on. The line between art and life has blurred in this way. I have never been interested in conforming to the demands of the market, galleries, etc. though I work with those vehicles more and more. I guess for myself, it has always been the priority to be the driver is all, which has in the past closed many doors.
Yet its interesting to reflect on ourselves every now and then, and notice the patterns and the breaking there of, or the continuance of which. It was only yesterday where I would find myself in the center of a lake with one of my closest allies on his birthday, where we had a conversation on this matter. For it was in that very spot on a pitch black midnite where we were naked, and I would suddenly experience a panic attack suddenly aware I couldn't see anything around me including the shore. I snapped and had trouble ever since being in the water though I confront this almost daily. Yesterday I swam the length of that same lake. Around 6 years later. My life recently has been extremely heavy at points, going thru major transformation and confrontingly walking in it with the compass of philosophy to navigate. It has brought me to not only look into the nature of things such as death, mind, and so on... but to experience it as well. So in getting to this painting, this reflection, the breathe of light fresh air, is inspired by that female nature once again, though uniquely different of course. I have recently come to know Genevieve, and to describe the birth of this communion would have this blog go on for a number of pages, I will express its nature at some point. For it is worth doing so, for its nature is one of uplifting potential perhaps in relation to the global family. I feel drawn to describe the expereince in one word... auspicious. For there are layers of overlapping unforseen commonality of a metaphysical nature that has me so familiar with a stranger, and yet there is a foreign world of an individual that is so new to me. And at this core exists a heart that I feel relation to, that has me waking each day with inspiration to enter the world. When Genevieve saw this piece, she used the word 'cherub like' to describe it. Makes sense, in how I let the emptiness of self be filled with the inspiration expressed in this writing, in creating this painting. Though this is the personal process background, its my hope that the feeling alone will be triggered in whoever so experiences 'inspired by Saint Genevieve'. Enjoy! (pics are of Genevieve and some of her expressions)
